Strange Proposal
by Zabbie Q
Summary: [AU] Reika fights Joker to give Happy the time to save Candy, but when he has her at his mercy, Joker has an unusual offer.


As with my other fic, some Pierrot lore/Commedia dell'Arte lore is mentioned. Mostly I wanted an excuse to use Pierrette, haha. (It's an AU anyway, so where's the harm?) If you have advice on how to improve the way I write the canon characters, I'm open for constructive feedback. :)

There seems to be multiple versions of the sub (one with white text, another with pink highlights). I'm using the version of Episode 23 that I found on YouTube.

* * *

Reika knew that without her Precure powers she would have been unable to face Joker — and even with her powers, it had been a miracle she had lasted this long. She could see he was toying with her, like a cat before the kill, and he showed no signs of tiring.

Pop, the lion-like fairy, tried to keep up with them as their skirmish danced across the large, cursed caldera of Bad End Kingdom. Reika increased her fervent attempts to land even one blow on her smiling foe, but Joker only giggled and hummed, gliding and dodging around her. He could have probably ended the battle already, but he clearly received some sadistic pleasure in her desperate assault.

But if she didn't keep him distracted, he would abandon their battle and stop Miyuki from saving Candy from wherever he had stowed the fairy. Reika had vowed to do everything in her power to keep him from going after them.

Reika threw another punch, but Joker leapt backwards out of her range. He licked his wide, white lips as he considered her, momentarily revealing the fangs in his smile. He was tall and lean, dressed in a purple-and-white attire like a jester's. His hair had been styled like a tri-pointed Fool's hat, split into blond, red, and turquoise with purple bangs draped over a white half-mask. He clearly wasn't human though; his pierced ears were pointed, elfin, and the eyes that surveyed Reika were like black pools, widening and shrinking as if the mask were part of his face.

Joker then winked at her, raising his hands, inches apart. "Have some fun with _this_, Cure Beauty!" he cried. Between his long palms, a purple ball of energy appeared. It shot at Reika like a bullet, faster than she could dodge.

Fortunately, Pop leapt into the air and transformed into a large shield, blocking his attack.

But it did not stop Joker from teleporting right behind them.

The jester grabbed Reika's arm — and in a blink the earth was no longer beneath her boots. Instead, she hung several hundred feet in the air above the barren wasteland. Pop was barely a yellow blip in the purplish-brown rock beneath. Three other craters were illuminated with ironically bright colors where the other Bad End generals fought the remaining Precure.

Joker's sharp, black fingernails pinched Reika's arm as he tightened his grip. "You like the view?" he giggled, bringing his masked face close to her so that his breath touched her skin. "Welcome to the Bad End Kingdom, Cure Beauty."

Before she could react, his head darted to the side. She yelped as his fang nipped her ear — and then he gave her blue hair a small, mocking lick. Without a pause, she hurled her fist against his chest, knocking him away. But she was not done with her counterattack. She swung and grabbed his shoulders, flinging him with her super strength toward the ground. She shot herself after him.

Joker gaped at her, but his smile returned as they plunged together, head first. Although he could fly, he took the opportunity to send his rapid fists at her — which she both blocked and reciprocated.

"You're good," he observed cheerfully. "Your qualities are more than skin deep, eh, Beauty?"

She didn't reply, too focused on shielding herself.

"However," he continued breezily, "there's not even the slightest proof you can win." Then his fist came at her from an angle she hadn't anticipated.

She crossed her arms in time for her white bracers to absorb the shock from the blow, but it sent her plummeting down to earth. She let out a shriek, unable to control her trajectory. She only managed to flip herself over before she landed hard against the floor of the crater. Pain shot through her like lightning, but fortunately the Precure magic protected her from what would've been a deadly impact.

A purple-tint dust cloud arose around her, obscuring much of her vision. She strained to push herself up to a crouching position.

"Beauty!" cried Pop, rushing to her side.

Instead of replying, she lifted her head, searching for the flying jester.

She spotted him — along with the sabre in Joker's hand. And the beams of purple light slicing through the air at them.

She threw herself around Pop, shielding him from the brunt of the assault. A scream tore from her as the purple beams collided into her exposed back.

She collapsed in pain.

* * *

Her senses slowly returned. She was aware that Pop laid beneath her arm, his eyes closed, but he was breathing. She labored for her own breath, willing herself to push through the ache and to prop herself up.

But her heart went cold as a set of footsteps drew near. She lifted her eyes.

Joker smiled sweetly down at them. Lazily, he raised his hand and snapped his sharp fingers. Immediately, purple-back cards surrounded Pop — and both the cards and the fairy vanished.

"Pop-san!" she gasped out, groping futilely for the empty space.

But she froze when she found herself staring at the tip of Joker's sword. She turned her head, glaring up at the soulless black eyes which had squinted into crescents of sadistic mirth.

"No fairy to save you from me now, Cure Beauty." He lightly pricked the point against her shoulder, nudging her to roll over onto her bent elbows. "What shall I do with you?" His eyes seemed to sweep over her, like a sculptor pondering where to strike his tools into a slab of marble.

She could only grit her teeth. She would not beg for mercy. She would not cry or close her eyes. He would get no such satisfaction from her. If she was to die, it would be on her own terms.

Joker's grin somehow widened at her glower, making him look even closer to the Cheshire Cat than before. He flicked his wrist, and the decorative blue orbs on her left shoulder dropped to the earth and bounced away. Another flick, and the wing-like feather on the right side of her tiara fluttered down.

Reika set her face, refusing to wince or even blink.

The sword hovered over her gold brooch that kept a large blue bow in place on the bodice of her Precure uniform. "What was it you said earlier, Beauty? That you would do everything to keep me in this crater with you, instead of letting me stop Cure Happy from saving the fairy?"

Her nails dug into the rock beneath her, but she spoke as calmly as she could. "I'll keep fighting to my last breath if I have to."

"I don't want your last breath. Though I might just take your breath away." A third cut of the sword, and the blue choker loosened and fell from her neck. He didn't even leave a scratch on her skin. "Allow me to quote you again. You'll do 'everything' you can to keep me here?"

She kept her gaze locked on his. "Yes."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

His smile gleamed. He lowered his sword.

Then his left arm lashed out like a snake and grabbed her wrist. Before she could cry out, he pulled her up against him, wrapping his other arm around her waist.

"_Everything?_" he purred, bringing his masked nose close to hers.

Her face went white. Her stomach suddenly felt like a rock.

"You can't be serious."

"As serious as the grave, Cure Beauty."

She struggled to push herself back, fresh adrenaline coursing through her aching limbs. "How old are you?" she demanded.

He shrugged, grappling to keep her beside him, which, fortunately for her, was more difficult with the sabre clutched in his right hand.

"Pierrot-sama created me about twelve years ago, but I've been told he envisioned me as eternally fifteen." He heaved her close and tilted his head to the side. "But 'eternal' is such a subjective term when you're at the doorstep of the universe's end," he giggled, showing his pointed teeth.

She shoved her hands against his chest, breaking free of his hold. She retreated several steps and took a defensive stance.

"I'm not that kind of girl," she seethed. "I would never do something so perverted — especially with you."

His smile changed to a serious expression. "Who said it had to be something perverted?" he returned softly, gesturing with his sabre. "Not me, I can tell you that."

"What are you suggesting then?"

"Can't you guess?" he replied mysteriously.

She narrowed her eyes, not giving him the satisfaction of playing along in his disturbed game.

At her silence, he shook his head, and she got the impression that he was rolling his black eyes. "Despite your sharp mind, you can be so naive, can't you? Then let me put it this way. What happens to most princesses when they get their fairy-tale ending?"

It clicked. Her mouth slowly opened. "No…"

He rolled his shoulders as if he only just realized himself what he was suggesting. "Well, Emperor Pierrot was married twice, you know," he said in a rush. "First, the ingrate Columbine, who betrayed him with Harlequin. Then Empress Pierrette, my late mistress." He pushed a strand of his purple bangs away from his abyss-like eyes. "If marriage is good enough for Pierrot-sama, then I don't mind following his example."

She shook her head, moving another step back. Somehow, she felt better when she thought he wanted to skewer her. "If this is a joke, it's a poor one."

He took a step of his own to match hers, keeping the distance between them minimal. "Listen, Beauty. Pierrot-sama will be revived in mere minutes. When that happens, he'll go on to spread his despair all over the universe. But here's the thing: the universe is a pretty big place. It could take him centuries, even millennia to destroy it all. But in the meantime, a pair like us could have a lot of fun together," he insisted, sweeping his arms grandly. "If Pierrot-sama heads towards the Andromeda Galaxy, we can fly in the opposite direction — or _any_ direction that isn't in his path. I might not be allowed to have a happy ending in this line of work, but I can have a happy _middle_."

"No."

His grin became a little bit more taunting. He raised his thumb and forefinger, and she saw a Décor with several tiny gold stars with a pink bow on one corner — the very Décor he had stolen from the Precure hours before.

"You and your friends can't win as long as I have this," he reminded her. "You'll never gather them all and revive the queen. And I could teleport away right now if I wanted to and stop Cure Happy. But if you agree to be with me, I'll allow Cure Happy to save that crying fairy. Your friends can all be together in their final moments."

"No."

"I can extend the lives of your loved ones," he offered. "I'll drop your brother, your parents, and your grandfather into one of the Balls of Neglect. They'll live in a perfect dream of euphoria, free from suffering. For the present."

She didn't know what a Ball of Neglect was, but she doubted someone like him would keep his word, even if she were interested in his proposal. "Never."

"Then I have nothing else to do here but leave," he sighed with mock resignation. He stuck the tiny Star Décor inside his purple collar. "At least you had the chance to save your family. Remember that as you lie dying, Cure Beauty."

Then a wall of cards expanded around him and disappeared — and she heard his laughter from the top of the caldera's rock face. Her head snapped up to see him waving at her.

"_¡Adios!_" he sang and cartwheeled out of sight.

Reika straightened, staring after him. "Candy! Happy!" she gasped, her heart twisting. Summoning what was left of her stamina, she prepared for a superhuman leap toward the rock wall.

* * *

In the months he had spent preparing for Pierrot-sama's return, Joker had known a final confrontation with the Precure was inevitable. The things touched by the Royal Queen's magic seemed to run on narrative tropes — it was not his to reason why. His business was to ruin stories, not create them.

He had always thought the fairy-tale magic would mean he would be the one to battle Cure Happy. Weren't they literary foils after all? The perpetually happy but dimwitted girl against the laughing, intelligent jester. Her empathy and joy against his delight in suffering and despair. Two sides of a coin. Yin and yang. Any author worth their salt would have had them do battle. So, when the furry male fairy had launched pink smoke bombs as a cover for Cure Happy to leap into the air to save their kidnapped comrade, Joker had been ready for her.

But he hadn't been ready for the icy blast that had knocked him out of the sky. Or that the girl who embodied beauty would possess the level of foresight to guess he would lie in wait.

He had regained his senses in time to apply his magic before he touched ground, and he landed on the long nail of his forefinger. As the dust cleared, he had gazed, upside down, at that snowy lady, cool in the face of cursed fire. Although Joker had personally defeated all five Precure at once, mere hours before, she had still come forward to challenge him. She had been prepared to lay down her life to delay him, but she also calmly clung to the hope that she and her friends would all go home together.

He could have teleported away right then. She did not possess the sort of magic to counteract his own. He could have appeared at the volcano where he had imprisoned Candy and waited for his anticipated battle with Cure Happy. But he had stayed. Because Cure Beauty had interested him, amused him. Because he had seen fire behind the calm glacier. Because the pretty, domesticated blossom had the touch of a wildflower in her petals.

Because she had made the makeshift heart Pierrot-sama had fashioned for him to quicken in a way he had never experienced before.

His proposal had surprised even himself, but it was not like he had no precedent to follow. Hadn't Pierrot-sama offered Pierrette the throne a mere month after he first laid eyes on her, charmed by a sweet quality that made him forget Columbine's betrayal? Joker had at least been observing Beauty and the Precure much longer than that, and it wasn't like the Märchenland crowd didn't have short courtships in their culture. (Cinderella's prince certainly didn't care about getting a girl's mailing address or even her name before deciding she should be the mother of his heirs — not exactly the best political move for his kingdom, but none of those joy-loving fairies ever brought that fact up.) Perhaps Queen Royale's literary magic had had an effect on these events after all.

"Win some, lose some," Joker shrugged to himself with a serene smile as he zipped through the air. Though Cure Beauty was the first (and likely last) girl he had ever proposed to, her rejection only reminded him of a simple truth. It was not his kismet to have a happy ending — and he was fine with that.

Twelve years prior, Pierrot-sama had worked his wonderful magic on a playing card, bringing to life a jolly youth as an anniversary present for his second empress. In those days, the emperor had allowed some happiness in his kingdom, although most citizens chose not to enjoy it. Perhaps that was why the emperor had created a clown specifically to give to his regal lady; Joker's constant smiles and laughter earned the ire of the Bad End bugaboos, so the youth would only find any sort of approval from his sweet mistress and be completely devoted to serving her.

Then the day came when Pierrette had met her Bad End — a calamity few were brave enough to mention out loud within the kingdom, lest they incur Pierrot's grief-stricken wrath — and the tides turned for Joker's destiny. In the absence of his mistress, his loyalty and purpose for existing had shifted only to the service of his creator, his father — though Joker would never breathe the word even in private, unworthy as he was. Joker knew that his continued presence at court had served as a reminder to Pierrot-sama of his lost queen, which further drove the great emperor into despair and into his need to spread his agony across the cosmos. That was probably why Pierrot-sama had not exterminated the jester yet, but it was no doubt coming once the war was underway again. But Joker was fine with that. He would rather gain a shadow of his creator's acceptance at the cost of his own life than to live happily and be disowned forever.

So, he never looked for a happy ending. If that ultimately meant that the first girl to catch Joker's eye would die in the near future rather than be with him to enjoy the final days of the universe, so be it.

_What is true misery but to want the things you'll never have?_ he reasoned cheerfully and focused his attention on the section of lava ahead.

While he could have used magic to materialize right on top of his foe, he took the slightly longer route of a quick flight. Better to look before he leapt. As he zipped across the natural furnace of lava, Cure Happy stood like a pink doll on the dark plateau where Joker had left the ditzy fairy and a little contingency plan. The frilly warrior looked battered and dirt-ridden, and her overblown pink pigtails had been soiled while her white tiara looked a bit askew. She stood on shaking legs, facing the two-armed, caterpillar-like, yellow-nosed Akanbe which Joker had left to guard the Décor Décor.

Joker hovered in the air. The lava radiated heat around them, which would have been unbearable for a non-magical being. He was pleased to see that even in her Precure form, Happy still seemed to suffer, if the glistening sweat on her scratched face was any indication. He hoped she was close to dehydration.

Maybe he could be the one to defeat his pink foil after all.

How fun.

"Not bad, not bad, Akanbe," he sang down to the two-armed rock caterpillar.

Happy's pink head raised in horror.

Joker smiled at her and reached for the blond portion of his multi-colored hair. He grasped the bauble on the tip, which was actually a spare yellow Akanbe nose he kept for this sort of scenario.

"Oh, Cure Hap-py! Don't you think two Akanbe would be _twice_ the fun?" he called.

Even from this distance, Joker saw her pupils dilate inside her pink irises.

Joker's smile stretched further. Oh, this would be a _show_!

He dramatically raised his arm, positioning his other in front as if he were pitching a baseball. Happy let out a choking yelp, backing away from both him and the already advancing Akanbe.

"_If you're Happy and yo__u know it, say goodbye_," he tauntingly hummed. It was a tune he had heard on Earth once, though he knew Happy didn't speak English. Call it an inside joke. He took aim for a nearby boulder.

"Joker!"

His sharp ear caught the word behind him in the distance. He looked over his shoulder, and his eyes widened to see the blue figure leaping through the rocky canyon, quickened by her supernatural prowess. Joker lowered the yellow nose, turning in the air.

She just wouldn't give up.

He waited until Beauty was near the tip of the cliff, overlooking the basin-like plunge into lava. He called to her, using his magic to project his voice: "Back for another fight? You'll have to wait your turn."

Beauty slid to a stop. Her head twisted left to right, surveying the cauldron around the inferno. However, her shoulders slumped slightly; she obviously realized that she would not be able to leap far enough to aid Happy. She lifted her eyes to him and cupped her scratched hands against her mouth.

"I've come to bargain!"

He drifted in the air over the lava, pausing in the middle. "I want nothing else from you, Beauty, except for what I already stated," he said faux-companionably, taking in her svelte form with a curious sweep.

"I know." She tilted her chin up, curling her hands into fists. "Then I'll take the offered conditions. If you let Candy go — and let Happy take her back to the others — I'll do as you asked." Her voice did not waver, but her visage looked a little more red.

He straightened. "You mean it?"

She nodded.

He snapped his fingers, and a card appeared behind her, swirling around her like a moon in orbit. In the next second, she stood on the plateau, and he teleported beside her.

With his feet on the ground, Beauty came up to his shoulder, and she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes. Grim determination etched her dusty face, and she barely winced as he slid the back of his forefinger against her cheek. He took her lithe hand and brought it to his lips.

"Beauty!" the fairy cried out, struggling against her card bonds.

"Get away from her!" Cure Happy shrieked around the Akanbe.

Even the Akanbe slowed, tilting its head to look at its master in curiosity.

Joker ignored them and turned the soft hand over. He pushed back the white cuff of the decorative bracer and kissed the slightly bruised center of her wrist, gauging her reaction. Beauty lowered her blue eyes but did not pull away.

"Leave her alone!" Happy did her best to maneuver around the Akanbe, but the monster broke out of its confused trance and shot its boxing-glove hand in front of her.

Beauty turned her head toward her friend. "Get Candy! Hurry — before Joker changes his mind!"

"Listen to my clever lady," Joker smirked, pressing the slim hand. "I'll give you five minutes." He then nodded to his creation. "Akanbe, let her pass."

"_Akanbe_," replied the rock monster obediently as it shuffled back, freeing a path to the tower. The gaping pink girl stared at the betrothed lovers, but after a quick shake, she climbed to her feet. With a final look of sick sadness, Happy sprinted toward Candy.

Joker drew Beauty to the side of a rock, away from prying eyes. He scanned her with a mixture of wonder and amusement. "So, at the beginning of the Bad End, I'm with a legendary Precure, and it's the good girl among the good girls. Who knew?"

"The path ahead is indeed a curious one," she said stoically, "but very clear." She had that same look she had worn when she had shot him out of the air, the determination to face a foe she had no hope of beating, even at the cost of her own happiness.

It was strangely attractive.

"You're an interesting girl, Cure Beauty. ..._Reika_," he amended.

He lifted his hand, and a blue rose appeared in his fingers. She reluctantly reached for it, but he shook his head with a smile. He then tucked it behind her ear, letting it rest against her pretty tresses. He had seen Pierrot do that trick so often with his empress, back when the king could feel any sort of joy. It humbled Joker to think he could experience a luxury that his regal creator had once relished.

He pulled Reika into his embrace. She had a slight chill to her, thanks to her Precure powers, but it felt pleasant in the surrounding inferno. She obediently — and resignedly — laid her head against his chest, right over what served as his heart. Her soft hand rested against his torso, lightly gripping the purple fabric. A thrilling shiver traveled through him.

He pressed his lips against her light-blue hair. The magic that had transformed her gave her an alluring, icy scent and had already worked away much of the sweat from their battle. Her spiky hair looked a little like an icicle-inspired version of those _nadeshiko_ wildflowers from her native land, the ones used as a symbol for Japanese femininity. Her normal soft, dark-blue hair wasn't half bad either. He wondered which he would come to like better in the years ahead.

He brushed aside her bangs and kissed her forehead, contemplating his next move. Pierrot was close to reviving, so Joker would have to attend to his lord first. But after the destruction began, he could whisk Reika to a safe place where they could watch Märchenland burn. Then they could start amusing themselves with other things. She had a passion for learning. Would she be impressed when he took her on a tour through the galaxies to see things no human eye had ever witnessed? Did she like card games or magic tricks?

He felt something rise up inside his makeshift heart: a strange, foreign emotion. It took him several moments to place it, but when he did, he giggled against her skin. Hope. This was hope. Not for a happy ending — he wasn't so deluded — but hope for something pleasant in the brief time he could keep her.

Hope. Expectation. Anticipation. What a lark!

He closed his eyes as her hand trailed to his shoulder, to his neck. Her fingers brushed against the buckle of his red belt-like choker — then against the bare skin of his Adam's apple, then inside the collar…

Then she pushed out of his hold, flinging her arm toward the pink Precure. "Happy, catch!"

Joker twisted his head, watching a tiny object sail through the air, which Cure Happy, rescued fairy in one hand, lunged for and neatly caught.

The Star Décor.

The _final_ Décor.

His black eyes burned red. Joker whirled toward Beauty, just in time to see her draw a snowflake in the air with sharp strokes.

"Precure Beauty Blizzard!" she cried out.

He didn't stand a chance.

"Oh, Pierrot-sama, forgive me," he whispered as the blue-white ice engulfed him and blasted him into the air.

* * *

He collided with a cliff and tumbled to the earth, finally landing on his back. Despite the heat of the volcanic wasteland, the ice from Beauty's attack continued to seep into his bones. He laid still, too stunned to do anything.

Somewhere the light brightened, like a dome of lava rising up. Joker tried to focus his dazed senses — was it his master reviving, or had the Precure regrouped and started to launch an attack? — but he could only think of the chill, slender form he had held against himself. Waves of disappointment and longing battled for dominance inside him.

He hated her: he wanted her even more.

He raged at himself for letting her play him for a fool: he desperately admired her guile.

He wished he could kill her: he wished he could kiss her.

He would destroy everything she had ever loved and give her a Bad End: he would win her affections, and she would give him a happy ending, whether she liked it or not.

"Such glorious despair," he murmured as the world faded in and out of sight. Wasn't that what despair ultimately was, to yearn for something you could never possess? "Pierrot-sama, is this even an inkling of what you felt when you lost Pierrette? If so..."

But that was all he managed before everything went dark.

THE END

* * *

_Columbine and Pierrette_ — I'm a fan of Commedia dell'Arte/Harlequinade as I mentioned in my other fic. Since the CdA characters have been around since the Renaissance and have been popular in different countries, naturally the lore is pretty extensive and opened to interpretation. Depending on which play or story you encounter, Pierrot could be married to Columbine or Pierrette — or the girls are treated as the same character — or Pierrot doesn't get a love interest at all but is a servant of Pantaloon, Columbine's father, and tries to keep Columbine from eloping with Harlequin.

I decided to have Pierrette be Emperor Pierrot's second wife here because generally she's portrayed as more faithful to him than Columbine. Whereas Columbine often cheats on Pierrot with Harlequin (as part of the comedy), when Pierrot is paired with Pierrette, she's usually extremely devoted to him. She's like the Minnie to his Mickey Mouse. (Sometimes, Pierrot will contemplate cheating on _her_, but then they normally reconcile before the end.) But, of course, something bad had to have happened to her in the _Smile Precure_ universe, so she is the late empress at this point in this AU. (She also was created centuries after Columbine, about the 1880s-1890s, so it'd make sense that she'd be the second lady.)

In any case, I liked referencing that the original Pierrot had his share of love interests, giving Joker some basis of comparison for romance, but naturally the boy would still have no clue what he's doing thanks to years of being reared by an embittered clown king.

_Somehow, she felt better when she thought he wanted to skewer her_. — This was based on a joke from Silver Quill's video "After the Fact: Simple Ways" when he says he's more afraid of Slendermane liking him than when he thought Slendermane wanted to kill him.


End file.
